I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
