I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
