I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
