I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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