take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
