READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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