so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
