Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
