id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
barbara walters just said penis...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What a dumb baby whore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
