You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
