drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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