I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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