sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
