I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
