I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
