If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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