First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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