i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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