Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
