Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
