Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
