Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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