Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
