WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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