she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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