She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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