did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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