pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
