I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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