There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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