Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
