bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
