If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A+ Viking dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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