he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
