I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
