is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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