If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
