My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
