She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we're so committed to being not committed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
