I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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