Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
