You're so nebulous sometimes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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