I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize