see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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