So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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