At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
