nutella sex= disaster
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
