He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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