Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
