you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
