I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
