I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone signed my nipple.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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