My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
