Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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