What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
