Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
