How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
