the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize