but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
