do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
