Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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