can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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