i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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