He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
