You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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