hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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