he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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