toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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