this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
