so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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