Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she smelled like a LAN party
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
