dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
