Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
