I wannas sexs uuuuu
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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