Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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