new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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