This girl is more easily done than said...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
