Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
