I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
