whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
