Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
